Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Jesus loves me but he can't stand you *

An aunt that I have never met keeps sending me awful SPAM. Today I received from her an awful racist list that is supposed to be funny, called “You Know You a Ghetto Christian If…”. Earlier I received a request to pray for an American soldier who was, and I quote, “fighting the enemies of God (the Iraqi insurgents)”. What is with these right-wing fundamentalist Christians? Actually I do know what is with them, I used to be one of those people. At some point my brain went into gear and I began to think. I lost my faith but got back my heart, my soul and my mind. Thinking can be quite a liberating and refreshing experience.

Peace, Love, Understanding, Tolerance.

If you are not getting those from your religion and “spirituality”, I think you may be headed down the wrong path.

I love my uncle that she married, so I am not going to confront her.

Here is the email she sent me:

My son. [name deleted], sent me this and I thought it was " Right On".......so I'm passing it on.

Huggs, [name deleted]

You Know You A Ghetto Christian If--

1. You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that "God made a way out of no way”
2. You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.
3. You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair did!
4. You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!!!
5. You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.
6. Your wedding song is 'Secret Lovers'.
7. You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.
8. The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.
9. You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I don't want to give it to him."
10. After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but you say, "Well the Lord knows my heart".
11. If you have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke".
12. Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.
13. You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed me with a TV, jewelry, clothes, etc.
14. You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.
15. You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation, "The devil don't want me to sing this song."

* Title taken from the song by the Austin Lounge Lizards


Jeen Lilly said...

Here's an email you can forward to your Aunt..

You Might Be A Clueless Bigot if you....

[1.] Have plenty of time to tell other people what you think is wrong with the world but no time to "invest sweat equity" to organizations trying to make the world a better place.

[2.] most of your firmly held beliefs are passed on verbatim from talk radio...

[3.] ...or have essentially been the same ones you've held since junior high school.

[4.] Anything with the name "Our Lord Jesus" on it has to be good, if not sacrosant.

[5.] You will not eat certain foods or consider going into certain areas of the city because, "That's for those sorts of people."

[6.] You have ever uttered the phrase, "I wouldn't want my daughter to marry one."

[7.] You are certain without any doubt you are going to heaven and you are equally as sure about the people who aren't.

[8.] The only good songs were written for organ accompaniment.

[9.] You can tell at a glance everything you want or need to know about another person and only listen to them to confirm your snap judgement.

[10.] Forward emails that are "funny" because they make fun of a group of people you do not belong to and have no other point.
Unlike this one.

just off the top of my head, but whaddya think?...

Blueberry said...

Those are pretty good, JL!
Can't wait to see what she sends next.