Sunday, November 14, 2010
Restore sanity or keep fear alive? This time it's personal.
Well, it's been quiet around this blog for awhile. Just dealing with a lot of life changes and stuff, it's been difficult to blog. I become so easily overwhelmed with worries, and only some of them are worth the stress. Yes, you CAN worry yourself to death.
I've always been prone to panic attacks, or variations of them. I guess I need some kind of therapy - doctors or meds - but I've had some really unpleasant and frightening experiences with both of things before. Not really willing to head down that road yet. They have evolved over the years, and the recent ones have been really kind of scary.
No need for you all to worry about me, though. I will make it. I'm trying to get more sleep, or at least, rest. There is less going on, intentionally. I am less busy. Not scouring the Chronicle or the Club listings to see who's playing tonight. Not even doing the easy stuff if it's a weeknight. Yes, I know... I'm missing a lot. I've even missed my favorite bands, on purpose. I need downtime, relaxation, indifference, even laziness. Every Sunday night, the success of the weekend gets measured by how much stuff we got done. If things were left undone, I am disappointed in myself... but shouldn't be... really.
By the end of this year, I should be back to working just 40 hours a week for an employer with virtually no freelance clients. I have dearly loved being part of what makes the music happen (even though I can't play a note), but I will now be able to check some things off the list. Did some things I always wanted to do, did a pretty good job, and it's time to pass things along, sit back, take things in stride... and above all... DON'T PANIC (even when things are going to hell in a bucket).