Abraham Lincoln, Stand-up Comedian

Found these on a Quotes by Abraham Lincoln page. Some of these are pretty danged funny one-liners. Others are just very wise. They don't make Republicans like this anymore... maybe they never did.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived.

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crises. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent.

Whatever you are, be a good one.

When you have got an elephant by the hind leg, and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.
(in a book review)