Thursday, July 07, 2005

Kinda Sums it Up

This is one of my favorite movie sites: The Four Word Film Review. There’s no news on upcoming movies, no trailers, no professional critiques of anything, no useful information whatsoever! The idea behind it is to write and submit a movie review containing no more than four words. Profanity is fine, bad taste is fine, tacky, catty, offensive, politically incorrect... all acceptable. The more creative, the better. Here’s a list of the reviews I’ve submitted and have had accepted. I’ve had even more rejected by the powers that be over there. There are maaaany more better than these, but you’ll have to look those up for yourself.

Note: These and the other reviews on FWFR contain spoilers!!! So if you didn’t already know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father… DOH!!!

Alamo, The (2004)
Billy Bob Alamo'ed.

Alexander (2004)
Alexander the Gay.

Auto Focus (2002)

Before Night Falls (2000)
Depp does booty duty.

Blue Velvet (1986)
Orbison music made creepy.

Boondock Saints (1999)
Willem turns into Wilma.

Collateral (2004)
Death cab misses cutie.

Cry-Baby (1990)
Depp teaches French kissing.
Prison tattoo produces tear.

Day After Tomorrow, The (2004)
Dennis's menace is ice.
Ice unites nuclear family.

Ed Wood (1994)
Glen Glenda genda benda.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Iraqi horror picture show.
Seven minutes of Duh-bya.

Finding Neverland (2004)
Depp pens Pan.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
Geckos hate Titty Twister.
No cursing for Keitel.

Hard Day's Night, A (1964)
George meets future wife.

Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004)
Dementors suck face.
Ron's rat is fink.

Hellboy (2004)
Firestarter finds fire-proof boyfriend.

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, The (2005)
Zaphod Dubya Beeblebrox.

Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom (1984)
Bugs instead of snakes.
Whiny bimbo cracks fingernail.

Interpreter, The (2005)
Kidman is Penn pal.

Johnny English (2003)
Bean bares Bishop's bottom.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Sword is carry-on luggage.

Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
Broken heart kills Bill.

King Kong (2005)
King Kong Brody.

Kingdom Of Heaven (2005)
Knights in white habits.

Matrix Reloaded, The (2003)
Name 'Smith' more common.

Meet The Fockers (2004)
Baby's first word, 'asshole'.
CIA-equipped RV.

Once Upon A Time In The Midlands (2002)
British cowboy not convincing.

Polar Express, The (2004)
Another Tyler plays elf.
Hellish icy roller coaster.

Robin And Marian (1976)
Robin wins old maid.

Saint, The (1997)
Russian confusion over fusion.

Secret Window (2004)
Double Depp and nuts.

Shrek 2 (2004)
Banderas coughs up hairball.
Puss, ass cuteness contest.
Shrek gets pussy-whipped.

Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004)
Robots won't obey Law.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Webbing preferred over wedding.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Darth Vader is hot!!
Mr. and Mrs. Sith.
Rise Darth Frankenstein!

Story Of The Weeping Camel, The (2003)
Camel likes sad songs.
Mom camel gets Intervention.

Troy (2004)
Achilles gets Legolas'ed.
Achilles kills with ease.
Sand Pitt.

Two Brothers (2004)
Little Thai grrrrs.
Little tigers stage cute-fest.

Waking Life (2001)
'Slackers' with hallucinogenic drugs.

War Of The Worlds (2005)
Red weed is PEOPLE!!

What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993)
A 600 lb. Grape.

Yellow Submarine (1968)
Peace, love, dope Beatles.

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