Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Jesus and Elvis

Sent to me through a mailing list. The similarities are uncanny, don't you think?
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Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)

Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

Jesus was part of the Trinity.
Elvis' first band was a trio.

Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)

Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Jesus was resurrected.
Elvis had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.

Jesus said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink." (John 7:37)
Elvis said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM, 1957)

Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights.
Elvis had irregular eating habits. (e.g. 5 banana splits for breakfast)

Jesus is a Capricorn. (December 25)
Elvis is a Capricorn. (January 8)

Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)

"[Jesus] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)
Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.

Mary, an important woman in Jesus' life, had an Immaculate Conception.
Priscilla, an important woman in Elvis' life, went to Immaculate Conception High School.

Jesus was first and foremost the Son of God.
Elvis first recorded with Sun Studios, which today are still considered to be his foremost recordings.

Jesus was the lamb of God.
Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.

Jesus' Father is everywhere.
Elvis' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.

Jesus was a carpenter.
Elvis' favorite high school class was wood shop.

Jesus wore a crown of thorns.
Elvis wore Royal Crown hair styler.

Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters.
Elvis Presley has 12 letters.

No one knows what the "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" stood for.
No one was really sure if Elvis' middle name was "Aron" or "Aaron".

Jesus is often depicted in pictures with a halo that looks like a gold plate.
Elvis' face is often depicted on a plate with gold trim and sold through TV.

Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

Jesus was regarded by some to have been an extraordinary prophet.
Elvis was regarded by some to have made an extraordinary profit.
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Image below taken from First Church of Jesus Christ, Elvis.

Upon this Jailhouse Rock, I will build my church.

7 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Eerie!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Jesus is love. Elvis is a hunka-hunka-burnin-love.

Hilarious post! You'll burn in hell, you know that, but it was worth it.

Blueberry said...

Good one, Debra!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I fucking love this...I may steal it..nah..I'll just tell them to come here and read it..
and both jesus and elvis 'were taking care of business'..

Blueberry said...

Feel free to steal it, I didn't write this stuff. :-)

Buzzardbilly said...

I blogged this today because Jackie Sue at Yellowdog Granny sent it to me in the mail and it just made my Elvismas complete! Thank you!

Blueberry said...

Have a Blue Christmas (Elvismas), Bb.