Snarky Fark

Do you love Fark as much as I do? If you aren't familiar with it, it's a collection of real news links posted by users who come up with creative headlines. Every year they enable voting for favorites, and here's the top list for the first 3 months of the year. Go to that link if you want them all, or want to find the real stories. Partial list below.

Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?

Missouri Neo Nazis allowed to participate in Adopt a Highway program. The group may need additional help since they have requested to only pick up white trash

Octuplets doing well, breathing on their own, squirting ink

Barbie turns 50, finally accepts she will die childless and alone

Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

Woman arrested for having dead baby in carry-on luggage. Everyone knows that carrion needs to be checked in

Two-year-old refuses to sleep during day, may get charged with resisting a rest

Earliest chocolate has been now dated to between A.D. 1000 and 1125, still on sale at Walgreens

Woman trapped in bathtub for 4 days. "The woman's condition was not available." Submitter's not a doctor, but I'm going to guess "wrinkly"

"Cardinal Mystified by Child Sex Probe"; apparently the directions were missing from the package

Headline: Alzheimer's drugs doubles death risk. Apparently your risk of death is now 200%

Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem

Man shoots himself through the heart with nailgun to scare his fiancee, gives love a bad name

Man driving a Kia leads police on a chase exceeding 100 mph, everyone's expectations of the Kia

Man plays electric guitar so loud that neighbor's fish jumps. It must have been a bass guitar

How to win friends and influenza people

Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

Man who robbed gas station made no threats, displayed no gun, simply offered an apology as he fled with a fistful of cash. Authorities on the lookout for a Canadian

Prosecutor receives kidney from rival defense attorney after learning they have the same blood type: cold

Man finds ten human teeth in wallet at Walmart. That's just decadent

Twittering encouraged in church. Submitter still afraid of being text-communicated

Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above