9 Things

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
3. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
4. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
7. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. Your friends love you anyway.

One of those lists that gets mass-mailed, but I still like these. There was also a #10 but it was a sexist remark so I omitted it.