Friday, December 21, 2007

Rolling with my own punches

I'm going through a major life transition here, and the holidaze hitting just fogs up my vision, so it's hard to say where it's going. I have jumped off the hamster wheel, and not sure yet how much damage has been done. The day job (which is part-time) has shut down until Jan 3, and I nearly didn't make it through the last day of it today. The top boss had our little group slated to be taken out for lunch, and I find those luncheons to be very uncomfortable. We were supposed to eat at some posh place over at The Domain (*barf*) where the only thing on the menu I can eat is iceberg lettuce while everyone discusses their big holiday plans and I am expected to tell mine. This is like a nightmare incarnate for me. The big guy is a Neocon (so is his underling) and hearing some of the things he says in the company meetings is disturbing. I like some of the people I work with, but really have no chemistry whatsoever with most of them. In the past I have tried to just say No. They don't take No for an answer. Nobody can understand why on earth I would turn down a free lunch at a posh chain. I have tried saying I have other commitments, only to have them reschedule to accommodate me. So this time I said Yes but the dreading of it stressed me out so that I woke up dizzy, hostile and with one of my famous tension headaches. I went in, but after a couple of hours the anxiety started building into near-panic, so I filled out my time sheet, shut down and left in a hurry. Even a nice afternoon on the porch in this beautiful weather has not chilled me out.

Anyway, my freelance biz is going to be a whole lot less busy after today so I am hoping to get my footing for a new rhythm, learn to tread the uncertain waters, and maybe even learn to relax again. It's been so long... I can make this work if I don't crash and burn.


emeraldeyes said...

I used to have to endure the same thing at my last job, and I know it makes me seem horribly ungrateful to use the word endure, but I did used to try to get out of it. It's one of the reasons I'm so glad I work from home.

I've started to dread going to my three-times-a week exercise place this time of year, too, because I get asked about my Christmas plans or if I've finished my shopping, etc. Dead silence when I say I don't do Christmas. I'm not against other people celebrating Christmas, I just get tired of the assumption that everybody observes it.

Blueberry said...

I've got lots of evil baggage at this time of year. It's very hard to get through it. Parties and luncheons are very difficult.

This blog is Bah Humbug Central. Feel free to vent holiday frustrations at will!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Good luck in whatever new employment area you land in my friend.