A corncob pipe and a bloody nose

It's that time of year... when you are hearing the same songs everywhere you go, on every radio station, in every store of any kind, sometimes piped outdoors... Christmas music.

If you aren't familiar with the term "mondegreen", it means a misheard song lyric. The most famous mondegreen is from the Jimi Hendrix song, Purple Haze, where it sounds like he says "'scuse me while I kiss this guy". That's also the title of a book by Gavin Edwards, who has a few mondegreen books out, including a Christmas version.

The Snopes page on Christmas songs with misheard lyrics has some fun examples and also explains the origin of the term mondegreen -- and intentionally changed lyrics like Jingle Bells, Batman Smells don't count.

Some personal favorites:

Jeff's nuts roasting on an open fire,
Check for snipping at your nose;
You'll tide carols being sung by the fire,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey, handsome Mr. Soul
Help to make the season bright;
[...]

Deck the halls with Buddy Holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our day of peril,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Troll the ancient Yule tide carol,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing Yulbie Forest,
Fa la la la la la, la la la.
Strike the heart, enjoy the florist,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
[...]

[...]
Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,
Barney's the King of Israel.

[...]
Get dressed ye married gentlemen,

Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens
[...]

Hark! the herald angels sing,
Glory to the New York King.
Peace on earth and then he smiles;
Goddamn sinners reckon so.

Joyful oily nations, rise;
Join the triumph of disguise.
With the jelly toast proclaim,
Christ is born in Bethlehem.
[...]

[...]
Bells on Bob's tail ring,
Making spareribs bright;
What fun it is to write and sing
A slaying song to knives.

Joy to the world!
The Lord has gum.
[...]

Olive, the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.

Silent night, holy night;
All is calm, all is bright.
Round John Virgin, margarine child;

We free Kings of Oregon are
[...]

Here's a song for Harry Potter World:

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the wands I used to know.
Where the treetops glisten,
And children listen,
To hear slave elves in the snow.