Friday, March 30, 2007

The Passion in Chocolate

Well, Easter is coming, and you know what that means! Candy! Candy! Candy! And attempts to creatively put christianity into the traditional celebrations have brought about "Chocolate Jesus" items. The pic here shows a censored version of Cosimo Cavallaro's "My Sweet Lord", which is a 6-foot anatomically correct chocolate sculpture (you will need to click here for uncensored pic, along with the nutritional values... providing you were going to eat it... and if you did, what part would you break off first? In this case, I don't think it would be the ears.

Ha haaa!! Had you going!!! Arms, of course! Maybe toes? [Another link for this story]

Here is a more traditional take on a life-sized version, although it looks less tasty, and here's another traditional version that has been featured on "Jesus of the Week." If you can't handle the chocolate Jesus in edible form, there is a book by Stephen Jaramillo, or this song by Tom Waits, which is probably the most famous form of the "Chocolate Jesus"

Dont go to church on sunday
Dont get on my knees to pray
Dont memorize the books of the bible
I got my own special way
Bit I know jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more

I fall on my knees every sunday
At zerelda lees candy store

Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

Well I dont want no anna zabba
Dont want no almond joy
There aint nothing better
Suitable for this boy
Well its the only thing
That can pick me up
Better than a cup of gold
See only a chocolate jesus
Can satisfy my soul

When the weather gets rough
And its whiskey in the shade
Its best to wrap your savior
Up in cellophane
He flows like the big muddy
But thats ok
Pour him over ice cream
For a nice parfait

Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Good enough for me

Well its got to be a chocolate jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate jesus
Keep me satisfied

...and finally, the worst-tasting, and at the same time, most tasteless version (please note: I am not equating "tasteless" with "bad") is the slang term "Sweet chocolate Jesus" (x-rated) as defined by Urban Dictionary. (Kids, don't click that, please ...and I'm not sure you should even be reading this blog)

Now I need some candy.

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Hill said...

Chocolate. Yummmmmmmmmm!
Oh yeah. I went to Central Market the other day, and they were OUT of my fave, salmon. I'm like WTF?!? They said 'cause of Lent. Oh.

Blueberry said...

A salmon Jesus?
heh heh [just kidding]

re: Lent. Now that Easter's here, the fish catch a break and everyone goes back to beef. I wonder where people get the idea that fish is not meat? It's got a head and eyes and brain and blood and bones. Sounds like meat to me. We have to deal with this all the time as vegetarians. People will offer us fish and chicken AS vegetarian, thinking that it has to be beef (or maybe pork) to count as meat. Speaking of WTF?!

beepbeepitsme said...

I love Tom Waits. I collected nearly all his albums years ago and I still gots em.

One of my favourites is the double album "Nighthawks At The Diner."

beepbeepitsme said...

I just noticed. What a big easter egg jesus has...

Pam said...

Okay, I should have heeded your warning and NOT clicked on that "sweet chocolate jesus" link. EEEEEWWWWWWWW!! Who would even think of such a thing!?!?

That is a BIG EGG there. I saw the uncensored pic over at nick's. Let's just say the artist was very generous in that area ;-).

See ya all in hell!